Otis Sidekicks

We welcomed eight children into our home between March 2020 and today, we have had twenty five children placed as foster children since 2015, and an additional five as respite placements. These numbers look so bland on paper. Thirty children have been part of our daily living in the last six years, we have nine of our own children. In putting some thoughts on paper about what these numbers mean, it boils down to acceptance and hard work.  If anyone is new to the Otis family speak, "our own" is a loaded term. We have five biological children and four adopted children. Early on one of our sons told us the power of the question "which ones are your own?" And the fact that I answered without hesitation all those years ago, "they are all our children" from birth or adoption, feeling fully accepted and claimed has become the way we walk in this family. This does not take away the respect and open conversation about birth families, first families and sacrifice. F...

Where we were in March and where we are today has evolved.  Sure there are great things, we all feel some of those. More time together, slower pace, perspective and pause. The flip side can be really painful. Isolation, feeling underwater, fear of the future, disconnection to loved ones and the list goes on.  Yesterday after a day that had foster care lows, disconnection from our oldest that I know I am not managing well, and frozen pizzas (with lots of jalapeños) for dinner, we needed a re boot. As a family we brainstormed some ideas to get us out of the "pandemic slump" that we have fallen into. We re wrote the chore chart to update days that work for the 7 living at home, we deep cleaned seasonal spaces to get out winter gear for skating, sledding and indoor space for skateboarding. We sorted things to donate and recycle. We washed and folded all the left over items that were used for our foster daughter that left, said a prayer over the pile, and put them in a bin. We too...

" Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:13 Last week I had a text that someone had adult mens winter gear, could I possibly swing by and pick it up? At the exact moment the text came in I had just dropped my freshman off for football and was worried about his lack of winter athletic gear, I had two foster children both not happy in carseats, our four year old angry about loosing glow in the dark teeth from Halloween and a nine year old trying to sell me on tic tok, vying for my full attention. Deep breath. Why on earth would I drive to a suburb and pick this stuff up? For some reason I decided I should do it so we made the thirty minute drive. Fast forward 48 hours a text came in copied here: "Hi there I got your number from a case aid in Ramsey County. He said you might have connections for clothing needs. It is a long shot but I help with a prison release program and I have a van load of guys without gear." Come Holy Spirit...

Finding out our family of ten is going to be at home together for the foreseeable future lead us to brainstorm some structure. This schedule allows kids ranging baby to senior in high school some level of routine. We have a clear plastic tote for phones for the two hour afternoon slot in the kitchen. Our daily and weekly chores are not changing. Over the summer we are much more relaxed. For our family, accustomed to athletics, faith formation, and being on the go, this will be a challenge. We are doing our best to meet it head on with:  ~ 1 Hour Outside activity (at least, can combine another requirement such as chores) ~ 1 Hour Reading without a screen, can be a book, comic, printed out article. ~ 1 Hour Fitness, this can be walking the dog, weights, running, list choice: ~ 1 Hour childcare slot, or playing with one of the youngest three  ~ 30 min MATH related time, online games, worksheets, watch Kahn academy, Youtube ~Help the ho...

Someone came up to me after church today and asked about foster care, I could see the worry there. This was a kinship question, and I knew right away this would be a family I would be dropping off gear for, maybe a meal and praying for often. It made me think about the purpose of work, the value of productivity both compensated and non compensated. It made me think about how I am modeling work both at home, and in the world, to our children. When we started taking care of children, I did not think of it as work. I thought of it as a way to share our families warmth. Overtime I have learned, providing good quality care to vulnerable children, is indeed, work. I am able to help with multiple need based clothing closets, and have seen the need grow. We have had Head Start, foster families, single mothers and newly immigrated families, come in recently. Of course this is an unpaid job, and there are days it feels like really anyone could be doing it, so why me? When this person approac...

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”  ―  Plato In-between practice drop off and game start time I attempted to google articles on compassion for teens making decisions about their future. I found a lot of college versus trades information, some TED talks on taking gap years and how to work with fair test schools that do not require types of tests for admittance. These were all actually informative but not what I was going for.  There IS a beautifully written blog out there, but I am going to break my blog silence and attempt my own. Feel free to share with me things you find on this topic. We have extended community friends who lost a daughter to suicide in 2018 because she felt she was a disappointment. One of our kids has a friend who overdosed because he did not get into the college he hoped. These are just two stories whirling in my mind at 4am as I try to sleep.  How do I extend compassion on a community leve...

In a group today a great panel of women talked about how to create margin in family life. This goal rose to the top of the discussion for me. It aligned with a goal I have set for myself of replacing the word gratitude for the word shame, or the feeling of guilt.  I feel guilty at times I am able to be home with our children, when I stop myself and swap the words, it is a mind shift.  I am so lucky to have this choice.  I am grateful for this time.  There is also the feeling of shame if I did a poor job with my day.  I feel guilty if I didn't manage to find time to make that phone call (I hate making phone calls! Next year's goal) or if I missed an appointment or did not get the house tidy by the time my first child rolls in the door.  To replace that flustered feeling of annoyance with one of being grateful is not easy.  “Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.”...

October, the world is getting colder and we had a day of rain. We have been working together to create space for our family, welcome in a new sweet Foster sibling and fix projects before the weather turns. We have a historically high number of schools as kids are in different stages nursery, elementary, junior high and different high schools. We are driving and juggling sports teams, trying as always to make sure being a big family does not become a burden to the kids chances of success. But Moses' hands were heavy. Then they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it; and Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other. Thus his hands were steady until the sun set. Exodus 17:12 A shared project is a much lighter load. We have been working on house projects trying to fit twelve of us with efficiency and humor into a smaller space. I admit I think I (mom) have had the hardest time with the change, but as the weather turns projects are bein...

After a long break my mind is whirring with thoughts to get down on paper and notes I have made about organizing, traveling and making it through the summer with ten children in the home ranging from newborn to 17 years old. It has actually been a great summer! I say actually because sleep deprivation is hard, navigating new jobs with teens is hard and having three kids with permits but no extra driver...is hard! Traveling with the kids was an adventure. We slept in one tent and packed everything to fit in a duffel on the back and a topper on the top of the van. We picked up deodorant on the way and new socks at the Nike outlet in Maine. Amazingly the only major thing we forgot were batteries for the camp lanterns night one. We had coffee (key people, key) fun foil pack food, a clothes line, enough mats and blankets to make up for 5 sleeping bags for the 10 of us. It worked! Time on the Island was wonderful, salty, rich with seasonal food and laughter connecting to Sheff's colleg...

The sun was warm but the wind was chill. You know how it is with an April day. When the sun is out and the wind is still, You're one month on in the middle of May. But if you so much as dare to speak, a cloud come over the sunlit arch, And wind comes off a frozen peak, And you're two months ba ck in the middle of March." -  Robert Frost,  Two Tramps in Mud Time , 1926   When I was little my Dad would read poetry as I went to sleep and stay up late into the night. When the seasons chnage I think of him and this poem came to mind. 

When I was a sophomore in college I purchased a prayer book at Sam's club of all places. Some roommates from college had memberships. I had never been in a warehouse store and it was fascinating, now it is a weekly habit. At 19, the idea of needing 10 pounds of hamburger at a time was unfathomable. Now it means two meatloaves and spaghetti sauce for weekly meals.  The prayer book was already dated when I picked it up in 1997, the pages featuring women with pastel dresses, lots of wicker furniture and primary color clad kids. Hidden with the photos were sound advice and biblical verses.  I started to jot down worries and moments of answered prayer. My biological father passed away and I wrote about my final conversation with him, simply writing Phoned Ken, he sounded like he was thinking about God. He said he hopes where he goes next will have the sound of birds. I'm sad.   Later on a new note on the same page jotted 5 years later, Praying for an easy birth, tha...

I would use different language than the blog below, but I agree with these points especially #12  :)  We really want to help our community in this specific way. I want to take on kids who need hands on healing and stubborn love, Sheff loves me and loves kids enough to not only support this but dive in with humor and amazing boundaries that are consistent. The other children are learning about privilege, learning about nutrition and basic medical needs. They are also having to share, and I am very aware of trying to balance their rights and space with our desire to teach compassionate hands on giving. http://scienceblogs.com/casaubonsbook/2013/03/12/what-foster-parents-wish-other-people-knew/

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me........  Psalm 25: 4-5 When we started out this parenting journey I think we both thought it was best to be a united front, same sports, same schools, same childhood books and songs. As an only child the idea of having a community of people with traditions, inside jokes and wacky car trip memories was my highest dream. Those things have happened, but not in the ways we imagined. New Years tradition of bubbly juice & an appetizer dinner. We try for food from around the world. Then we choose things that the others (in our family) can pray for in the coming year. A way we can support each other as a family, this makes it more of a group movement rather than individualistic pursuit. Happy 2017! This winter gave punctuation to the need to support very different paths while staying connected and supportive as a family. As we grow and evolve and serve, this need allows ...

Moving moon  through months   Memories thaw hearts until new year light shines bright Foster care gives breath Pain longing sweet moments wait Serving as one now New days await with promise full of simple joy Giving faith a chance 3 haikus by Deirdre, be gentle with me this is my first shot at Haiku poetry! Family meeting last night we spoke together of how to celebrate New Year's Eve as a family, what we wished for in the new year. One thing that came up from our teens was brainstorming how to re create patterns of behavior , for example how to make Saturday mornings more peaceful. M1 suggested a big breakfast where we all gathered. Today Sheff made blueberry pancakes, and fried up turkey bacon (give it a chance nitrate free and very good from Costco;) we felt connected and ready for the day. Our teen daughter suggested we all come up with three goals for the new year and have family partners to check in with thro...

The hope in Foster Care is to heal families, to give birth families a chance to get back on their feet. In the very first training every educator cannot stress this  enough. At times it can feel as if potential families are being pushed away! That is not the intent, the intent is to teach and inform. If that primary goal cannot be accomplished, the hope is to find families with open hearts willing  to take a chance on a child, willing to re create their family and make room for a child who deserves the chance to grow with stability and unconditional love.  Loose statistics in our area say about 60% of kids will not reunify with birth families. It is painful to live in limbo and not know if a child you are loving might leave! Having spoken to many Foster families I am finding that everyone agrees that pouring love into a child helps them no matter what. If a family is placed with a scared and traumatized 3 year old, creating stability for that litt...

As part of a group from our church I am part of leading a discussion on marriage. Trying to get ideas I decided to interview the kids. It was interesting, and sometimes funny, to hear their take on Dad and Mom. The baby did not participate, but everyone else got in on giving their thoughts.  L~ Age  5  Dad and Mom tell us to be aware of our decisions. They are aware of their decisions. Sometimes they kiss on the lips, thats a marriage thing, their decision people! D ~ Age 9  When things get hard you guys take a deep breath and turn to Faith. Dad and Mom put God first and it is bigger than any hard things. Hard things happen and I think Mom wants to talk, and Dad wants to do things. Lots of times they make a plan together, I think that is part of marriage. M ~Age 11 If we get in trouble Dad and Mom always talk first, then they are on the same side. It can be frustrating, but it is better. Whatever one decides is the right consequence the other one ...