For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
Ecclesiastes 3 1-8
What a beautiful verse this is. Although I know we cannot choose our moments I have spent countless hours trying to! It is impossible to know when healing comes as much as you wish for it. The times I fall apart as a mother are not when I expect. Those small tipping points that in retrospect seem vivid, are in the moment painful and unexpected. This verse is a reminder of the importance to be holistic, the importance to allow for the dark and the light to be included in our walk with prayer and life.
I weep not knowing if this sweet foster baby will stay in my arms, not because he is mine or because I am a better mother, but because I love him. I weep because limbo for babies is life changing and it is my job to advocate without knowing all the facts. I weep because some days I am bone tired and need to make sure ten children feel loved wholly and completely. I weep because I want to do things perfectly and somedays I don't get even close.
I laugh at those hilarious first steps a toddler takes. I laugh at those first crooked smiles. I laugh at my husband in his tough work clothes accepting a tiny cup of imaginary tea. I laugh at my teenagers ribbing each other in a way that only siblings can; the sweetness of family.
I am finding I need to make time to laugh, set work down to embrace the biggest and the littlest children, make time to be ok with some weeping and amen to casting away stones. The beauty of living knee deep in imperfection is Grace with a capital G. Thank you God for mess, truly it is in the clean up I see the details. Imperfection that leads to laughter, the beauty of a full, well loved life.