Communicating with teens can be frustrating because their own ideas and needs are so paramount. Having six from 10 to 15 in the house right now, we are loving the new personalities forming and finding new struggles. The glasses of self, filter out others more often then we would like. What I have seen lately with our teens is they often WANT to do better but do not have the tools. The first response might be frustration, but if we meet them with patience the outcome is so much better.
If the teen is feeling like something is not fair, figuring out why he feels that way is step one rather than telling him our totally reasonable request. Logic, does not calm a teen down. Listening often does. We like the below re phrasing, found from a foster care resource "Teach Love" gives specific ideas. Times we try to think outside the box and look for new ways to communicate we are usually met with MORE respect and understanding from our teens.
Lastly, humor is the best diffuser out there! Laughing about how poorly we as parents or they as kids, handled something leads to great conversations. Having our faith as our family rock allows for common ground, the fact that God is much bigger than our current struggle puts perspective front and center, always a good thing.